" Forever " ...

Nothing seems to have changed...
I thought going away would take away the pain...
The loss...
But no...
It's still very much there...
I'm so in love...
To the point that it just hurts...
Me and my friend are sneaking vodka into our housing on Saturday...
I need that...
I need to numb myself...
I miss my princess...
So much...
She always made my day...
More than anything...
Losing all of my babies...
My Princess...
My Bucky Baby...
My Happy Baby...
My STAR...
All of them...
And THAT hurts the most...
I'm not even worth defending...
Even if in my wildest dreams she wants me back...
I cannot...
The WHOLE family probably thinks that I'm a psychopath...
I bet she didn't tell her...
Who was there when she had nobody...
When she was alone...
Homeless...
Who was there...
I bet she didn't tell her...
That I stayed despite the Catfish...
That HECK I accepted a child for her...
I bet she told her none of that...
I'm not even worth defending...
Not even worth FIGHTING for...
I think about Ron...Sam...Her...
Never was I worth fighting for...
Defending...
And worst of all...
Staying with...
Not even worth staying with...
Nopes...
I...
Am...
Not...