" After So Long " ...

It was amazing to see her after so long...
God I fucking missed her...
Her smile...
Her laugh...
Heck the way she made me smile and laugh...
It was amazing...
But then when I had to go...
It started again...
I thought that this would make things better between us...
Her to keep texting me...
I spend every second of the day unlocking my phone to see if she texted me...
Skyped my bother last night and I was just so depressed...
And at that time I wished I could just unlock my phone and rant my heart out but she wouldn't care...
I'm gonna be a Zumba Instructor...
Which is a HUGE deal for me...
And she didn't even care...
All differences aside...
She didn't even care...
And I know it's hard for her too...
But she saw me freaking naked for goodness sakes !!
And that's a huge thing for me...
My body...
My virginity...
And after that to not even say that she loves me...
Yeah it hurt...
And for her to just talk about it that way...
It hurt...
Because showing that and opening up that part of me is really hard...
And she's the first person I have ever done that to and the last...
And for her to just say it like it was nothing...
Heck...
I meant it when she was my first...
And she knows I believe that my first sexual experience is my virginity...
Because when I was six...
Yes...
He went in a bit...
So if she says that a tampon took my virginity...
Yeah it was gone a LONG LONG LONG time ago...
Nobody even knows this not even my own parents...
But I just cannot even admit it to myself...
So how shall I to anybody else...?