" Everything I touch " ...

Everything I love...
Turns to garbage...
I loved Ron so much...
But I couldn't make him happy...
And he found something better...
I really scares me to get close to anybody...
It scares me...
Everytime they get something better...
I'm never able to keep anybody happy...
And they end up leaving for something that does...
It's always happened...
I loved him so much...
And he found someone better...
I am scared to get close to Ish...
I got way too close and now...
I started feeling less loved...
Don't even believe it when she says that she loves me...
And that scares me...
The fact that I feel less loved and don't even believe her...
And the one thing that I can NEVER lose is my Princess and all of my other angels...
She had made it very clear that without her I lose them too...
And I can just NEVER ever lose them NO MATTER WHAT...
My virginity was a huge deal to her...
And yeah...something nobody knows...
It did happen...fully...
It wasn't just molestation...
It was rape...
I am not a virgin...
Never was...
And I NEVER got the courage to say it to anybody...
NOBODY...
And it meant a lot to her...
And I cannot even give that part of me to her...
I see her getting unhappy...
And it kills me...
I did what I did for her...
So she could move onto real happiness...
I guess it just made things worse...
I just feel so depressed...
I just don't know what anymore...
Numb...
Numb...
Numb...