" It's Just Hard " ...

I know that everything is my fault...
And yes I'm the only one who can change this...
But it's hard...
All it comes down to...
Is my parents just wanting the best for me...
They have it in their heads that this isn't the best for me...
Which I understand...
They won't even consider what I have to say...
Because their mind is sent on the idea of what's "best for me"...
I love her to death...
I really do...
And i hate myself for doing this...
But I love them as much as I love her...
They're both on the same level...
Which is saying a lot because my family is my everything...
And she's my family too...
So she's my everything too...
It's hard because if I do something...
That goes against their idea of what's "best for me"...
It just hurts them...
Because they feel like they have failed...
They feel that by letting me...
They're hurting me...
I know my parents...
Once they get it out of their heads...
The fact that...
I'm their "baby"...
Everything will be alright...
But it's just till then...
I'm trying to be with all of them...
I know I'm just hurting her...
And is something she'll never understand...
Which is totally understand...
Because she hasn't experienced what I have...
Which is not her fault at all...
And I'll never blame her for not getting it...
It's just unfortunate circumstances...
So that's all...
I love her more than words could ever describe...
Which is why I have to do the hardest thing ever...
Let her experience new things in the summer...
Let her be free...
From my controlling...
I don't want her to feel trapped...
Of course I'm gonna miss both my Princess and Razie...
Because they make my day with my Moppie...
But I have to let her go...
Even if it means risking to lose EVERYTHING...
The girls...my love...our life planned together...
She's right...
I'm not there for her...
And she deserves WAY better than me...
I'm not gonna see all my little angels...
And it hurts...
But I love her enough to let her get better things in life...
Be constantly happy...
If she still wants me after summer...
At least she knows it what she definitely wants...
If she's experienced everything there is...
And AFTER all of that still wants me...
Then good...
But if she finds something way better...
Still good...
Because then at least I know that she's happy...
At least I know that she could have been happier without me and took that chance...
I will NEVER love anybody in this whole world like I love her...
Never...
But its'a a risk that I am willing to take...
Because that means that she would be happy...
And that's worth it for me...
Even if that means losing everything...
At least...
She's...
Happy...