" Nightmares " ...

Okay so I just feel like it's time to talk about this... 

Throughout my life... 

I've dealt with bad things in my life... 

By having nightmares... 

So basically I've had them all my life... 

If it's something as small as having my candy bar taken from me when i was 8... 

Or crayon when I was 4... 

I've just always had them whenever I have dealt with things in my life... 

Negative things... 

Just like I know what she means about me having intercourse with mu ex... 

I KNOW... 

Because I have them too... 

Sometimes a freaking orgy with S, S, A, T...EVERYONE... 

It fucking sucks... 

Some dreams she dies... 

Some dreams she leaves... 

Some dreams she celebrates when I leave... 

I don't know... 

Just basically some really fucked up shit... 

I've had these kinds throughout my relationship with her... 

And that's why just a "CRUSH" makes me feel just so insecure... 

Because it's just me... 

I just see these things... 

It MAKES ME insecure... 

And yes it sucks by how much it hurts... 

And what sucks even more... 

Is that I KNOW deep down that these flings and crushes and stuff means absolutely NOTHING... 

BUT... 

That's what sucks, that DESPITE knowing all of these things...that I just STILL feel like this shit... 

Maybe I just love her too much...? 

I don't know... 

All I know is that I'm in love with her... 

And loving her hurts because of how I make myself feel... 

So yeah... 

I just do not know... 

All i do know is that yes like I had said earlier... 

I love her... 

I FUCKING AM IN FUCKING LOVE WITH HER...